From Despair to Hope
by Shirl
Summary: After graduation night, Chuck receives advice from someone unexpected. Will he finally be able to say the words Blair longs to hear? One-shot scene filler.


A/N: This is my first attempt at Gossip Girl fanfiction. I own none of these characters. This has not been edited by a beta, so I apologize for any errors. It is a one-shot scene filler that takes place after graduation night. I wondered how Chuck came to finally say those "three little words" to Blair, and this is what I came up with. Hope you enjoy it!

* * *

Chuck stared out the window. His gaze seemed focused on some distant point, but what really encompassed his vision was her face. He had been unable to see anything else since that night; the anguish in her eyes haunted him.

"Chuck?"

He turned at the sound of his name to find Jenny regarding him with a questioning look. "Are you taking a trip?" she asked, gesturing toward the stacks of suitcases behind her.

Chuck looked away. "No. I'm keeping my promise to you. I don't belong here, especially now that your father and Lily are engaged."

Returning his gaze to the skyline, his thoughts wandered to Blair once more. The silence stretched out for so long, he forgot Jenny was there until she finally spoke again.

"You don't have to leave. This is your home too."

"Spare me the niceties. I don't deserve them," he said, his tone flat.

"I'm not just being nice. Look, I don't know if we'll ever be friends, but I'm glad we can at least be civil. I appreciate that you apologized for…that night."

"The apology doesn't change what I did. I've wronged a lot of people."

Considering his relative youth, the list was far too long; his father, his best friend, every girl he'd slept with and never acknowledged again…

"Including Blair?"

At her name, Chuck's head whipped around. _Especially Blair_, he thought, but he confirmed nothing out loud.

Jenny pursed her lips before expelling a sigh. "I know I'm totally sticking my nose where it doesn't belong – "

"But when has that stopped any of us?" he interrupted.

She flashed a brief smile. "Right, well, Blair told me what happened between you. That she said she loved you but you wouldn't say it back."

Chuck didn't know whether to laugh or cringe. This conversation was getting more surreal by the moment. He sensed a lecture coming and he wasn't about to tolerate it from 'Little J'. "You're right, Jenny, you're putting your nose where it doesn't belong. And if you don't want it chopped off, I suggest you back off."

Jenny arched an eyebrow. "Is that supposed to scare me? I'm not intimidated by you anymore."

"I'm losing my touch," Chuck said dryly. "Regardless, I am not talking about Blair with you."

Jenny held her ground. In fact, she took a step forward rather than retreating. "I realize this is bizarre. Blair and I aren't exactly friends either, but I guess we've learned to respect each other. If you had seen her face. She looked so hurt. I've never seen her like that before."

Something twisted in Chuck's gut, making him wince. Jenny was staring at him, and he had to avert his eyes. Her voice softened. "It's obvious you love her. Why don't you just tell her?"

His insides tightened, knotted, the tension growing unbearable. Breathing was becoming difficult. "I can't," he mumbled.

"What?"

He raised his voice, spitting out the cowardly words. "I can't."

"Why?"

Sneering, he mimicked the younger girl. "What? Why? What are you, an ace reporter? Leave it alone, kid."

"Don't call me a kid. You're the one acting like a child," Jenny retorted. "You know what? Forget it. Blair is better off without you."

She turned to leave, but then spun back around for her parting shot. "Gossip Girl had it right. You are a coward, Chuck."

Blood rushed to Chuck's face, but he didn't bother to defend himself. Instead, he watched Jenny toss her hair and then march to the elevator.

He dug his fingers into his temples, trying to quell the throbbing pulse. He needed a drink; was desperate for a drink. But he needed to keep his head clear.

Chuck wanted to tell Blair he loved her, and indeed he had finally been about to do it when Gossip Girl had dropped the bomb about Jack. The irony was that he'd already forgiven Blair for the indiscretion. Considering his own checkered past, it was hypocritical of him not to. So Blair was forgiven.

The only person Chuck couldn't seem to forgive was himself. He was a selfish bastard who ruined everything he loved. His one unselfish act was to let Blair go. She deserved happiness. How could she find it with someone as miserable as himself?

Yet when he considered the pain he caused her by not saying those three little words, he hated himself. As Jenny had pointed out, Blair was better off without him. That had always been his belief, but perhaps it was just an excuse.

Chuck was a coward, pure and simple.

He owed Blair the truth of his feelings. She was the most beautiful, vibrant, maddening woman he'd ever known, and he loved every facet of her. After spilling his soul, if she told him to get the hell out of her life, he would do it.

Now that the decision had been made, Chuck's muscles relaxed a little. He grimaced; the tension may have eased, but in its place was roiling nausea.

"Mr. Bass?"

The valet entered the room, looking harried. "Sorry for the delay. Shall I take the bags down now?"

"Yes. No," Chuck replied, his mind racing.

"Excuse me, sir?"

"Just give me a minute to think."

As Chuck paced, a plan formed rapidly. He grinned with an excitement he hadn't felt in a long time. "Take the bags, but not all of them." He pointed to the two largest. "Those two. I'm going to the airport."

The valet seemed confused. "The airport? I thought you were going to a hotel."

"There's been a change in plans. I need to acquire some German chocolate."

Chuck's explanation made the valet's confusion even deeper. "You can't get it in New York?"

"Of course I could. But I prefer to go direct to the source."

Chuck wanted to do something special for Blair, and he knew the extravagance of going to Europe to find her favourite things would impress her. Or at least, he hoped it would.

Chuck smiled. He had hope.


End file.
